Has passed almost a year when dad died. All my conscious life, he was seriously ill. In addition, he had depression after his mother’s death. She was gone three months after my birth – cancer.

While the grandmother was alive – my father’s mother, she “pulled” him on herself, receiving in return far from words of gratitude. Their relationship was difficult, but I seemed to be aside. Graduated from the university and got married, gave birth to a child.

After the death of my grandmother, dad, his depression and health problems fell on me. I was torn to pieces between my husband, son and father, who treated me no better than my mother. Other relatives were in no hurry to help me.

I took care of him, but at the same time was angry, holding his attitude towards my grandmother, whom I loved very much. Now he is gone.

I used

to help my work – you will go into it, and easier, but now it seems to burn a burning lump inside. I do not know what to do. Thank you!

Olga, accept my condolences … It is always difficult to lose relatives, despite how they were people and what relationships we had with them.

Unfortunately, you got such a difficult task – care for your father, coupled with its difficult character. And you are a big well done, that you have successfully reached the end! Not every child can take care of parents like that.

When grief occurs, the psyche lives on the processes of adaptation to a new reality. At first it may not be believed that a person is no longer there. It may seem that he will come from somewhere … It happens that there is a wild anger at the universe, that everything turned out like that that he died. There is anger at the person himself, on how he was, how he behaved.

Sometimes there is a feeling of guilt in relation to herself: she did not say something, did not get. Or maybe cover a wild feeling of despair and hopelessness from the fact that everything happened.

But then, over time, pain and grief will become less and less, giving way to light sadness and memory. The fact that he loved, how he could joke, how his eyes changed when he was sad or, conversely, joyfully. All this will definitely come, you need to wait a bit and help yourself in living the entire spectrum of difficult emotions.

This means not avoiding complex, painful feelings, do not try to ignore them and be distracted, but on the contrary, give them a place in their life and their space.

Understand: “Now I’m angry”. And shaking your pillow with your hands or go somewhere in a deserted place, shout from the heart. Or “now it hurts me very much”. And sit down to write a letter to dad or grandmother, talk about what is happening to you, cry.

Or pick up a brush with paints and draw your pain, sadness, despair and extinguish the pattern on small pieces or burn … Any emotions live in the body, and it is also useful to express them bodily. Live, making some movements and realizing: “So I give my feelings the right to be”.